Lately..

Just venting.

I don't know what's happening anymore.
I feel like life is just.. going out of time.
Like there's a rip, or something.

I hate projects. And most likely, I'm doing 3 video projects during spring break.
So much stupid things...
Like Ms. Rito's mathematician report.
I hate it. I hate her class. I hate math.
What the heck do we have to write a biography for math?
It's a waste of time. -_______-

Sometimes I wish I went to those schools where it's like... school for 3 months, then 1 month break.. continuously.
._.

I really can't wait for summer.
I would actually even prefer band camp than have to deal with school and homework and teachers.
Just.. sweat it out in the heat with no worry.

I really really need a vacation. :[
I'm sure that a lot of people out there have more stress than me, but I'm not exactly a very work-oriented person. -____-
And I procrastinate a lot, so that's not good.

This week has been absolutely stressful. One minute, it's like.. going really fast. Like, I feel like life is spinning... I feel incredibly happy, without any stress...
Then, like, 30 minutes later, my head is throbbing... and time seems to stand still...
Over and over again. It never seems to end...
I am fully aware that I am sick and that my nose is running. -___-

On another note, English seems to be okay.
I should start memorizing Antony's lines.
We're gonna start filming around spring break.

I wish I could skip school for a week.
But then, my grades would drop drastically.

I hate how I can't manage academic life and social life at the same time.
If I get a good grade on something really difficult, it also means I've missed out on possibly having one of the greatest days of my life.
If I'm having a fantastic day, it porbably means I'm going to fail or get a B (at the best) on an upcoming test or whatever.

Which reminds me of what I wrote in me and Sandra's notebook today, during 3rd period.

I honestly believe that Cupid hates me.

So I guess I just don't have feelings for people like that anymore. It's not because of a certain person, but it's more like...
If I ever like a guy and he starts talking to me, it's either...
a) He's interested in my friend.
b) He needs something.

Always one of the two.
So I give up. It's over.
Just wait for summer to come and revive me.

If I was Catholic, I would be a nun.

May God save my emotional soul.

I Used To Love You? Yes, No...

Sometimes I think to myself that I should confess to everyone I've ever LIKED liked or at least partially liked. Kind of like, a resolution.. for complete closure. idk. It would feel nice I guess, to not bear any more secrets or hidden regrets.

So I remember I was talking with a certain someone the other day and I asked him if he still liked that one girl. He said yes, but he's thinking about giving up. So asked him if he would ever tell her than he loved her after he's over her, after he decides if he would want to give up.

But then he said that he wouldn't. Curious, I asked him why not. He reasoned that by telling someone you used to like them, it makes them feel bad because if they feel some sort of emotion for you, then it would be like "oh, why don't you still like me?"... but then again, if they've NEVER liked you, then it would be like "Oh, ew, get away from me." He only mentioned the first quote-ish kind of, but I deducted other reactions from this type of thingg...

AND NO, if you're reading this and your name is Sandra Vargas, I would NEVER EVER tell the most recent butthole that I ever felt anything more than pity and indigestion for him.

So idk what I want anymore. I'm just anxious. I mean, telling him... them.. wouldn't do me any good, nothing satisfying would really come out of it. For all I know, I could creep him out just by saying that.

But sometimes I think.. would I really be saying this for my good or in hopes that I may be able to instill some sort of affection from him? Or am I doing this because I'm trying to convince myself that I don't feel anything for him anymore?

I don't know. But other times I think that I like people too much, too quickly, until I REALLY get to know them.
Then my mind turned to revenge for those who've actually hurt my heart. But we'll get into the details later.

Then I see his face.. even when his back is turned, I feel a sort of affection, even though we're not close, we're not AS close, or for whatever reason.
And I'm not talking about a specific person, however, a specific person made me think to write such a blog.
Well, I'm talking about the people I USED to like, in general. You know you really don't get over someone completely unless they've done something to turn that affection into hate.

Blehhh, so idk what to do now.

And.. It's 1 o'clock AM and daylights savings time.. so I just lost an hour of sleep AND it's already morning. =/

G'night.