Heartsick.

I don't really want a boyfriend..
but I don't want to freaking die alone either.
Y'know?

I'm so sick of love songs.
So sick of songs about being sick about love songs.
So sick of love songs about people who are sick of love songs.

& I'm tired of filipino adults asking me if I have a "boypriend" at parties.
Cause I don't. I don't need to be reminded.

& since I don't, they ask why I don't.

Cause if I did, they'd talk about me behind my back about how I'm too young.
What in the world?

And I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately...
I just want someone to tell me the truth about myself.
People say I could get anyone I want?
Then tell me why I'm still alone.
People say that I'm too good for some people?
Then tell me.. do I really deserve to feel like this?
Tell me what's wrong with me. I'll try to fix it.
But don't give me the impression that I'm higher than some people.
Cause I'm not.
I'd rather be in a lower class with reciprocated love than be higher where it's lonely.
Am I desperate? Please say so.
In fact, please slap me.
I'd rather be slapped back to reality with the brutal & blunt truth than hear false flattery & lame rationalizations of why my love life sucks.
In fact, I've been cursed with almost the same situation over and over again.

Is it because I'm not good enough? or too good?
Is it because I dimmer in the HER presence, or shine too much?
Is it because I'm immature? or too mature?
Just be honest.

It's not that I feel desperate, it's just..
months ago, I came to the realization that the guys I like will never like me back.
& it was that official time.. months ago, that I stopped liking people in that manner completely.
Look where that's gotten me.

I don't believe in Cupid.
If I did, I'd say that he hates me.

Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me.
Didn't you achieve your desired goal?

Kay, so that's then end of my rant.
Time to forget about it.

Time to go shoe shopping.
But it would be nice to have someone to look forward to seeing.