Never the right time.

I'm so sorry.
Words cannot express how sorry I am, how far I let it go.
Actually, no, words probably can describe it, but I am the wrong person in the wrong state of mind to be saying anything now.
I should stop talking; all I ever do is push people to their limits and spout the wrong information that I've heard.

I'm so stupid. No, I'm not asking for any sympathy.
I try to fix things. I try. That's the keyword. Try.
But I only tend to make things worse.
I've betrayed a friend.
Not purposely, but still.
Betrayal is still betrayal, no matter what the intent.
I despise myself, I despise the fact that I always want to fix things.
There are things in life that are unfixable.
I can't do it.
Because I only make them worse.
Because they somehow always end up wrong.
Because all I can do now is say that I'm sorry.
I'm not going to hope for a better future for us.
Because I would be holding my breath forever.
I can't expect you to forgive me.
If you do, I would be amazed, astounded.
It would be a miracle, a forgiveness that takes a lot.
But it's okay.
No, it's not, but that's all I can really say.
I don't know what to do.
I would not blame you if you blame me.
I would not blame you if you stopped talking to me.
I would not blame you if you stopped being my friend.
I would not blame you if you stopped trusting me.

People should stop trusting me.
I'm not fit to keep in your many secrets. Not anymore.
I'm only human. And here is yet another of my mistakes.

No more secrets, I can't do this anymore.

The conclusion is..

I'm sorry. I wish I can control the damage I caused.
If you don't want to be my friend anymore, it's completely understandable.
If you still want to be friends, I would understand if you don't want to tell me any more secrets. I probably can't handle it anyway.
But just know that I will always tell you the truth, no matter how bleak it sounds. I will never lie to you, and that is why this apology is as sincere as I can make it through text and internet.
I hurt you, not intentionally, but the intentions have no effect on the pain it has caused you.
Just want to let you know that I love you so, but please, I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want you to hurt, so I'll go away. Because all I'll ever end up doing is causing you pain.

---

And on a side note about myself:
I can't handle this anymore.
I can't handle other people's secrets.
Secrets don't make friends, so maybe I should just not have any deep ones.
Things were easier, much easier.
Please don't give me your heart,
because I'll break it.
I won't mean to break it, but it's fragile.
My calloused hands will do nothing but shatter it.

I can't do this anymore.

Goodbye, Blogspot.
It'll be the last time I blog for this year. On blogspot.

I'm switching to another network.
I'm hoping it'll be a long time before I return to blogger.
This just.. has too much history.

First time in a month since I've cried. Ah, well..
"Love is pain."